I feel as if
I am turning a corner. It is now seven weeks since my surgery and five weeks
since I left hospital. The pain of my wound is diminishing and my digestion is
improving. I’m putting on weight and I’m able to walk further. There is still some
way to go, but I feel that I’m approaching a more normal life; that strange mix
of fears and reliefs that punctuate the life of a cancer patient.
My good
friend Philip, who I have known since I was eleven, came from England to visit
this week. We went to Murlough and did some birdspotting in Dundrum inner bay.
But the most unusual bird we saw was actually on the way there, a Merlin flying
ahead of us, scouting the hedgerow along a country lane. On another day we went
to Castlewellan and walked around the lake. The autumn colours of the beech
trees were just turning, and should be at their best in a week or so. Later we
went to the Norman castle at Dundrum and surveyed the coast from the top of the
keep. Climbing up the narrow spiral staircase was okay, going down was much
harder and I was glad of the handrail as my legs got a bit tired and wobbly. We
then had a good meal at Maud’s Cafe in Newcastle, finished off by Graham’s
excellent ice cream.
I’ve been
able to reduce the painkillers I take each day, from four to three grams. But
night is still the worst and I often wake up with a throbbing pain in my right side
after I have been lying on it awkwardly. I’ve been able to eat more at each
meal and to take a more normal range of foods. I tend to try only one new thing
at a time, as I can then gauge if there is a reaction in my digestion.
Unfortunately both chocolate and marzipan have led to bad reactions, so I have to make do with cake.
T and I are
involved in a competition. She is trying to lose weight and I am trying to gain
it. The competition began a month ago. She was in the lead at first, but this
week I’ve gone ahead by three pounds. I’m sure she will win in the end. The
prize is a celebratory Mars Bar.
Next week, I
have a review appointment with the surgeon who did my operation. I’ve been
noting down questions to ask him, as and when I think of them. I always prepare
a list of notes to take in with me, as it is hard to remember what you want to
ask when you are in the room with the consultant. And you only get one chance
to cover all the issues that you are concerned about. I know some of them don’t
like being quizzed in this way, but it is my right as a patient to have my
questions answered. It is far worse to be on the way home and then to remember a
question that you should have asked.
I’ve not yet
restarted any of my normal weekly groups. I do miss going to the Sing for Life
Choir and the Queen’s Writers Group. I am becoming more robust, week by week,
but I don’t quite feel ready to return yet.